Of elves and hobbits and singing
by uberfuss
Summary: LOTR crossover. Quinn and Rachel wake up as an elf and a hobbit and have to travel across middle earth to find the rest of new directions, who have fallen into various species and/or races throughout. rated T for language and possibly some content discuss
1. Chapter 1

All characters and stuff belongs to the respective writers/producers, I am in no way affiliated with anyone.

This is my first serious..ish story so, I dont know what to expect. Thanks for reading if you are.

Edit- I have just remembered that Frodo is in fact in Valinor during when I have based this so... The story is very AU, so Frodo stayed in Middle Earth. Sorry for that rather massive mistake. :)

Of elves and hobbits and singing

Quinn Fabray was nothing if not a pessimistic realist. Yes, she supported her friends and their – delusions of grandeur- dreams, like Rachel's dream of becoming a famous Broadway actress or Santana and Brittany wanting equal rights in their home state. Quinn had learned through her life though that dreaming for herself wasn't the right path, she was always disappointed and had stopped dreaming altogether. It had gotten to the point that her actual dreams when she slept were completely boring and proved she had no imagination, except that one time she had a very vivid dream about Rachel but she doesn't like to think about that... too much.

So when Quinn opened her eyes and found herself staring at what appeared to be a hobbit, she had to try and find the most logical, rational and real explanation she could fathom. She had nothing.

"Master Frodo! The elf lady is awake!" He shouted and scurried from the room. Quinn frowned, the elf lady?

The next person to enter the room was Frodo Baggins, she then realised the first hobbit was Samwise Gamgee. She had to be dreaming, this was the second most vivid dream she'd ever had and it certainly wasn't as enjoyable as the first.

Frodo walked over to her quickly, "Milady" he curtsied, "Are you ok? I have never heard of an elf being unconscious in my entire life"

"I- I'm not an elf" Quinn muttered sitting up, "This is just a dream, you don't exist"

The young hobbit looked mildly offended by that but made no comment.

"There was a hobbit with you when we found you but we don't know her. Where have you come from?" Frodo said.

"A hobbit? Wh-what does she look like?" Quinn grimaced, she had her suspicion on who this mystery hobbit could be but she was going to hope she was wrong.

"She talks a lot" Samwise mumbled.

"Oh god" The blond blanched, "Can you take me to her?"

"Of course, milady" Frodo smiled, a little nervously.

He made his way out of the low ceilinged room – Quinn discovered the hard way- and outside. She followed him through what appeared to be Hobbiton. After a few moments she began to hear a familiar voice, which again brought a grimace to her face. Soon they entered another hobbit home and Quinn was met with quite possibly the most terrifying, adorable, hilarious sight she'd ever seen. Rachel Berry was in fact a hobbit.

Rachel was talking very fast at another hobbit that Quinn didn't recognise but when he looked over her shoulder, Rachel spun around and took in the elf before her.

"Oh, this is just poetic fucking irony isn't it! Of course you get to be a tall beautiful elf while I'm a hobbit!" She stormed up to Quinn but the dramatic effect was almost lost entirely due to the fact the newly formed elf was now almost a foot taller than she had been before. Quinn tried desperately not to laugh but it must have shown because Rachel started again, "You think this is so funny don't you? Well I'm holding you personally responsible for this whole mess!"

"What? Rach, we don't even know what happened, how can you blame me? If you're going to blame anyone, blame Santana, it was her who started the hobbit joke"

"I'm blaming you, you're the only one here just now" Rachel folded her arms and pouted childishly.

The blond sighed, "Rachel, this is just a dream and apparently my mind can do a very accurate impersonation of your personality, so there's no need to worry"

Rachel stared up at her for a moment and frowned, "Quinn… it's not a dream. I'm a hobbit, I'm 3 feet tall and you're an elf and you're over 6 feet tall" She scowled, "It's unnerving, how easily you have fallen into the elfin body you now possess. When I came to I basically had to learn to walk again with these awful feet" she emphasised her point by attempting to stick a foot as high in the air as possible, which was still nowhere near Quinn's line of vision.

"Ok… it's not a dream. Where do you think everyone else is, because we were all together" Quinn challenged.

"You're right, we were and only because someone, namely you, had the spectacular idea that we should sneak out of the hotel in Chicago and go and find a run-down bar who didn't give a damn whether we were 12 or 21. So that concludes my previous statement, this is your fault" Rachel huffed. "As to the whereabouts of the others, I have no idea. We can't even ask the elves. After doing some intense research – asking whether or not Frodo had encountered the ring or not- I have concluded we are past the time of the books. Therefore the elves are in elf heaven"

"It's uh, called the grey havens" Frodo corrected.

Rachel glared at him. "Elf heaven"

Frodo took a step back and raised his hands in submission, "Ok, elf heaven" Rachel shot him one of her standard megawatt smiles, startling him slightly.

"My neck is getting stiff looking down at you all" Quinn announced.

"Don't be ridiculous Quinn, elves don't get stiff necks or feel pain or tiredness or anything, so don't talk crap"

"I feel like it should be though-"

"Alright!" Rachel clapped her hands together, "So we need to start searching for our friends. Samwise, Frodo, can you help us?"

"Of course" Sam stepped forward, "I would be honoured to help you"

"Rach, maybe you should just stay here, everyone talks like you" Quinn grinned.

"No, they just speak properly here. You speak like a farmer" Rachel smirked as Quinn's jaw dropped.

Rachel turned and began listing things she thought they'd need for their 'quest' as she put it. By the end of the day they were prepared and she was insisting they left then and not in the morning. Quinn, being an elf, was not bothered as she found she didn't feel tired or impatient or anything bad really. In fact, she'd decided that even though she did enjoy Rachel's company, being an elf had made her much more tolerable. She was beginning to think it must be what feeling high feels like, everyone is lovely, everything is beautiful and most important of all, she's happy. Then there are the super human qualities like not feeling the cold or the heat, not feeling tired, not feeling hungry and being strong, very strong.

After taking note that not everyone was constantly full of unnecessary energy, Rachel decided they should wait until morning.

"So tomorrow morning we begin the most challenging, gruelling task of our lives. Finding a glee club in middle earth" Rachel said with a slightly crazy glint in her eye.


	2. And so it begins kind of

I havent updated this in a long time but i wrote a little a while ago so i thought i'd post it. i dont own any of the characters, locations, etc.

Quinn automatically tried to sleep when Rachel had finally crashed - hobbits didn't have coffee. She had watched the lord of the rings movies but they hadn't touched that much on what elves were capable of, so when she discovered there was no way in hell she was going to sleep, she settled in, waiting for the excruciating boredom. It never came either; instead her mind was bombarded with images she had always been on the precipice of seeing but never quite having the imagination or drive to do so. Keeping her mind occupied until the morning was not a problem in the out turning into an elf was what it took for her to see what was in front of her all along.

As soon as the sun began to creep over the horizon, Rachel was awake. She woke up the other two hobbits and chose to 'wake' Quinn with a sharp kick to her leg.

"What the hell was that for?!" Quinn snapped.

"I thought you were still sleeping" the even tinier than usual diva replied, "I can't believe they don't have anything like coffee here. They must have some kind of plant or something that has the same effect. I need coffee… it's like air"

Quinn had stopped listening though, as she had noticed Rachel was wearing very, very short shorts. Even though she was a hobbit her legs somehow looked long and Quinn couldn't take her eyes of them.

"Quinn? What's wrong?" Rachel frowned down at her, "Quinn, are you drooling? What on earth-"

"What?! No! I was thinking about breakfast!"

"I thought elves didn't get hungry…" Rachel self-consciously ran a hand down her thigh.

"Well, I'm not a proper elf am I?" Quinn retorted.

Frodo appeared in the doorway, "Miss Rachel, Milady, we're ready to go now if you are"

"Yes, yes, we are. Just coming Frodo" Rachel smiled at him and moved to grab the small backpack like thing she had been given the night before. Quinn stood and looked around for her things.

"Where are my things, Rach?"

"You don't need anything, you're an elf"

Quinn sighed. Fucking elves.

The start of their journey was uneventful, except for Rachel singing loudly and causing the two hobbits to stare at her in awe constantly. Quinn had no idea where they were going or where they would begin, she didn't even know if the rest of the glee club was here, they could only assume. She had heard Rachel talking to Frodo the night before about finding the only elf left in middle earth, that Frodo knew of anyway, Legolas. Apparently elves could help them get back to their own world.

Frodo only knew one way through middle earth. This meant they were headed to the town of Bree.


End file.
